The Decameron of Giovanni Boccaccio Read online

  THE SIXTH STORY

  [Day the First]

  AN HONEST MAN, WITH A CHANCE PLEASANTRY, PUTTETH TO SHAME THE PERVERSE HYPOCRISY OF THE RELIGIOUS ORDERS

  Emilia, who sat next after Fiammetta,--the courage of the marchionessand the quaint rebuke administered by her to the King of France havingbeen commended of all the ladies,--began, by the queen's pleasure,boldly to speak as follows: "I also, I will not keep silence of abiting reproof given by an honest layman to a covetous monk with aspeech no less laughable than commendable.

  There was, then, dear lasses, no great while agone, in our city, aMinor friar and inquisitor of heretical pravity, who, for all hestudied hard to appear a devout and tender lover of the Christianreligion, as do they all, was no less diligent in enquiring of who hada well-filled purse than of whom he might find wanting in the thingsof the Faith. Thanks to this his diligence, he lit by chance upon agood simple man, richer, by far in coin than in wit, who, of no lackof religion, but speaking thoughtlessly and belike overheated withwine or excess of mirth, chanced one day to say to a company of hisfriends that he had a wine so good that Christ himself might drinkthereof. This being reported to the inquisitor and he understandingthat the man's means were large and his purse well filled, ran in aviolent hurry _cum gladiis et fustibus_[53] to clap up a rightgrievous suit against him, looking not for an amendment of misbeliefin the defendant, but for the filling of his own hand with florins toensue thereof (as indeed it did,) and causing him to be cited, askedhim if that which had been alleged against him were true.

  [Footnote 53: _i.e._ with sword and whips, a technical term ofecclesiastical procedure, about equivalent to our "with the strong armof the law."]

  The good man replied that it was and told him how it chanced;whereupon quoth the most holy inquisitor, who was a devotee of St.John Goldenbeard,[54] 'Then hast thou made Christ a wine-bibber andcurious in wines of choice, as if he were Cinciglione[55] or what notother of your drunken sots and tavern-haunters; and now thou speakestlowly and wouldst feign this to be a very light matter! It is not asthou deemest; thou hast merited the fire therefor, an we were mindedto deal with thee as we ought.' With these and many other words hebespoke him, with as menacing a countenance as if the poor wretch hadbeen Epicurus denying the immortality of the soul, and in brief soterrified him that the good simple soul, by means of certainintermediaries, let grease his palm with a good dose of St. JohnGoldenmouth's ointment[56] (the which is a sovereign remedy for thepestilential covetise of the clergy and especially of the MinorBrethren, who dare not touch money), so he should deal mercifully withhim.

  [Footnote 54: _i.e._ a lover of money.]

  [Footnote 55: A notorious drinker of the time.]

  [Footnote 56: _i.e._ money.]

  This unguent, being of great virtue (albeit Galen speaketh not thereofin any part of his Medicines), wrought to such purpose that the firedenounced against him was by favour commuted into [the wearing, by wayof penance, of] a cross, and to make the finer banner, as he were togo a crusading beyond seas, the inquisitor imposed it him yellow uponblack. Moreover, whenas he had gotten the money, he detained him abouthimself some days, enjoining him, by way of penance, hear a mass everymorning at Santa Croce and present himself before him at dinner-time,and after that he might do what most pleased him the rest of the day;all which he diligently performed.

  One morning, amongst others, it chanced that at the Mass he heard aGospel, wherein these words were chanted, 'For every one ye shallreceive an hundred and shall possess eternal life.'[57] This he laidfast up in his memory and according to the commandment given him,presented him at the eating hour before the inquisitor, whom he foundat dinner. The friar asked him if he had heard mass that morning,whereto he promptly answered, 'Ay have I, sir.' Quoth the inquisitor,'Heardest thou aught therein whereof thou doubtest or would question?''Certes,' replied the good man, 'I doubt not of aught that I heard,but do firmly believe all to be true. I did indeed hear somethingwhich caused and yet causeth me have the greatest compassion of youand your brother friars, bethinking me of the ill case wherein youwill find yourselves over yonder in the next life.' 'And what was itthat moved thee to such compassion of us?' asked the inquisitor.'Sir,' answered the other, 'it was that verse of the Evangel, whichsaith, "For every one ye shall receive an hundred." 'That is true,'rejoined the inquisitor; 'but why did these words move thee thus?''Sir,' replied the good man, 'I will tell you. Since I have been usedto resort hither, I have seen give out every day to a multitude ofpoor folk now one and now two vast great cauldrons of broth, which hadbeen taken away from before yourself and the other brethren of thisconvent, as superfluous; wherefore, if for each one of these cauldronsof broth there be rendered you an hundred in the world to come, youwill have so much thereof that you will assuredly all be drownedtherein.'

  [Footnote 57: "And every one that hath forsaken houses or brethren orsisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands for my name'ssake shall receive an hundredfold and shall inherit everlastinglife."--Matthew xix. 29. Boccaccio has garbled the passage for thesake of his point.]

  All who were at the inquisitor's table fell a-laughing; but thelatter, feeling the hit at the broth-swilling[58] hypocrisy of himselfand his brethren, was mightily incensed, and but that he had gottenblame for that which he had already done, he would have saddled himwith another prosecution, for that with a laughable speech he hadrebuked him and his brother good-for-noughts; wherefore, of hisdespite, he bade him thenceforward do what most pleased him and notcome before him again."

  [Footnote 58: Syn. gluttonous (_brodajuola_).]